Unfortunately, not everyone in Bella Vista and Society Hill shares such a passion for winning. Take, for instance, the Caped Poo-cader, as I've come to call him. I have no idea who he is, but I'm sure he must be a man. (No woman would commit his crime of choice.) He's also got to be either insanely lazy or not able to bend over--so that leaves a college-aged frat boy or a guy with a cane. But the real clue, and this is a doozy, is that he's got a dog. A fairly large dog. Lab, perhaps? Maybe a dalmatian?
I know about this man's pet of choice because he's taken to walking the lil bugger through my neighborhood, letting said doggie do its thing, and wrapping up the poo. But here's the twist: He leaves the poo, bag and all, wherever he wants.
I know, I know. Your head must be whirling. He wraps the poo and leaves it? What sense does that make? Why buy the bags in the first place? Why take the time to scoop the poop? WHY LEAVE IT BEHIND? I don't know, my friend. I don't know the answers you seek.
What's most annoying is that the little packages of joy are always sitting in the spaces where people have taken time to garden. I'll walk down the street and see one next to a massive spruce tree, or hidden under some potted tulips. As if the whizzing drunks and the entrepreneurial homeless guys who cut and sell buds aren't bad enough, now we have dog poop to contend with.
I have a simple message for the Caped Poo-cader: I'm looking for you. I know where you live, and the streets you walk down. And someday, when I find you, I'll have very stern words for you. (I can be uber-mean. Grrr!)
Consider yourself warned.
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Love this! Next time I'm in your neck of the woods I'll keep my eyes peeled...
ReplyDeleteUgh, it won't take much--especially if you're by the Whole Foods. He looooves plopping it right there.
ReplyDeleteI hate that guy! The worst is that sometimes the bags end up in the street or squished on the sidewalk. I see them all over the place and have wondered WTF is wrong with this idiot? I, too, will be on the lookout and if I catch him, I will have some mean words for him!
ReplyDeleteYou know what would be an even crazier angle? What if there's another party involved? Say that the guy walking his dog is actually being a good citizen and bagging/discarding the waste... but he has a psycho stalker who follows him around and fetches every one of his bags out of the trash and tosses them about. That's got to be at least a +2 to the crazy.
ReplyDeleteOMG, Mikey, you're totally on to something here. Today, I walked past a building and it had two different bags in front. Not surprisingly, there was a "Please curb your dog" sign in the window. Considence?! I think not!!!
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